Post below what the worst pick up line someone ever said to you was. This could be interesting..
Since I have last posted, I have been hitting the dating scene hard. I was seeing someone specifically on and off (because of holidays, my parents visiting, and a reason I came to learn much later) until just a few days ago. Upon our last meeting, not only did it become clear that Monogamy is not what he wanted, but just that he wanted it all.
You may be wondering what is so wrong with dating more than one person at the same time… you may even be thinking, “I’ve done that.” And I would agree with you. But only in the sense that in both scenarios of the people I was dating, it was the very beginning and nothing was serious. Dinners here, drinks there, getting to know you, etc. That is not what this guy was talking about.
This guy, we will call Sean, told me probably what I wanted to hear. That he was sick of playing the dating game. That he was ready to get serious (which usually has me running the other way because I am also not looking to get married tomorrow, and I know, complicated female) about getting his life together and that he wanted to see where things would go with us. Being that most of this conversation took place after beer three, I let it simmer and see where it would go once out again. And yes, like the good girl I am, I did not go home with him.
With phone calls here and text messages there, we communicated and met several other times to discuss life, topics that were important to us and how to navigate around what I like to call dating hell, aka “The holidays.” We made it work best we could, but I had a sense something was stirring before I last met him.
On what I can only assume would be our fifth(now that I am typing it, it sounds worse) date, we meet after my night class and he drops the bomb on me. But not in the way you would expect. He casually mentions that he is seeing two other people seriously as well. He does not wait for a reaction and keeps telling me about a girl he has been sleeping with for five years who has a boyfriend who he “assumes must know, but it doesn’t bother him.” He states that he is polygamous… He goes on, and in my tired state from a 5 am shift and a boring night class, I am unable to control my confused face. Let me be first to say that everyone is obviously welcome to their own lifestyle, but if you choose that, please say something in advance.
I passed kindergarten, I was a girl scout, but Jesus, I am not good at sharing when it comes to boy relationships. Clothes, tacos, tequila? Of course. But don’t “borrow a boyfriend for your own sleepover” or disclose to me that your definition of seeing several people is way past the stage that most people do. In a world where the concept of dating is getting more and more gray with uncertainty, this just gives me more cause for concern.
So I’m sitting across from him, as he goes into some saga where my mind has suddenly decided that it no longer comprehends his words, I stare at my pizza and think, “What, the, fuck? Is this how dating has become now?” In all honesty, it made me so frustrated because I have also never been the girl to play the game. If i like you, I tell you (don’t worry, I don’t ever act crazy about it), if i make a date with you, i show up and if i’m seeing someone, that’s just it. It’s some ONE. Not only is it hard to balance my own life schedule, but I can’t imagine trying to date two people at once, work, go to grad school, run a meet up group, blog, and still make sure I eat during the day.
It was in this moment that I realized two things: A- Blaze pizza is pretty good, and B – I am over this guy. It’s not that I am saying that I am too good for him, or anything like that, it’s more so that I am saying I deserve better. I deserve to not wait to hear from someone who is going through his rolodex of ladies to hit up that night, and I deserve at least a little more attention. I somehow made it through that dinner with some grace and a smile, thanked him, left, and used the entire train ride how to process how I felt.
He has since contacted me several times, and I have chosen to unfortunately do what I feel men do best: Ghost. Why? That’s cruel, you may say. I have decided that I am better off enjoying other dates, conversations, etc, then waiting on someone who will talk to me when they have time. I deserve time, and so do you. And although I don’t want to get married tomorrow, next week or in the next five years, and I don’t need a man to be complete, I do enjoy being with someone who gets me and is fun to be around, and is AROUND to be with. So I will venture on. ❤
Just like any girl in the online dating world, I am a little cautious before I meet someone new. If I can, I pick a place not super close to me, but not next to my house, and definitely one I have been to before. Just like a million times before, this is what I did.
We decided to meet at Huttenbar, which is in the heart of Lincoln Square. We had exchanged a week’s worth of actual conversation, and not once was he like innappropriate or rude (instead of the guy who is letting me know you like my butt? ummm ok you weirdo. Ps, we have and will never meet).
So just like I do on my way to all my first dates, I skim their profile and then our conversation. As I arrive at Huttenbar, I see that he is already there. We talk for about an hour and things are going well. As we order another beer, the conversation turns.
Him: “So I am assuming, if you read my profile, you’re okay with it.”
Me: “Ok with what?!” I had, indeed, read his profile, and was completely lost.
Him: “Well.. I’m looking for an open relationship. I could have sworn I said that on my profile.”
Me: “Um, No. You did not.”
Him: (looks at me reassuringly) “It’s ok, my wife is ok with it!”
Me: “I’m gonna lay something out for you real quick. 1. That shit is NOT on your profile. 2. Anyone who says that she is okay with it is either lying to you, or doesn’t care if you sleep around, which means she has found something better. You don’t know me well enough to know this, but that ain’t my thing. These beers are on you. K’Bye.”
Him: “Sarah! It’s not that big a deal!”
Bartender: “Good god….”
Did you first find out his name? It’s surprising to me how late in the conversation someone actually introduces themselves. Did you guess that his name was not “rippedblackhawksman75” just like I did? (Also, on a side note, what is going on with these usernames?!) Anyways, if you don’t know the name, how will you do that awkward dance when you find each other at the coffee shop, or my personal favorite, the bar?
Second, have you found out a few things about him? Like, ANYTHING? Because if you’re like me, you’ll be nervewrecked about finding him in the bar, and then about what the hell you will talk about for an hour. Get some scoop, so you have something to talk about. I’d like to note: You don’t HAVE to exchange numbers, but exchanging numbers will give you insight before your date. Do they text you, every five minutes, like Chris did to me? Or every five days, like Johnny? Do they call, seem interested? It’s great insight so you don’t waste your precious time.
Does someone know you’re going? I’m not your mother, and I’m not trying to be old fashioned, but the world is crazy nowadays and you must employ someone to be your “check-in” person. I sometimes value the fact that they may text you TOO much, because they want to know how its going. Although I have never left a date early, I would be more inclined to use that as a way out, if necessary. Better to always be prepared. (Love those Boy Scouts).
Lastly, where are you meeting? I love you dearly, but if this is your first, and maybe even second time meeting, Public it is. You know don’t if he’s an ax murderer (PS: if you can never figure out what to say to a guy when he invites you over, I actually do say this. 98 percent of the time it has elicited laughs), or if he wants to wear your skin for dinner. Gross? Yeah, but guess what, I have never felt like that was going to be an outcome because of meeting locations. Also, he doesn’t know that you aren’t an ax murderer.
Gotta play it safe!
Dating used to consist of courting, discussion, finding shared interests, but instead we are now finding that the norm is to just let the other person know what we want! I know nothing about you, but let’s get married! It’s these types of messages that I can only assume are either intentionally crazy or meant to try and stand out from the normal, “hey”. At this point I almost always welcome the normal hey. I mean, unless you are looking for a quick vegas wedding.. then, nevermind…
Is romance dead? I know that dating has evolved over the years and we are much more connected to technology than we used to be. But seriously? The absolute last thing that I want to be asked on a dating site, where I am (hopelessly, and while drinking wine) looking through potential matches, is
“Netflix and Chill?”
Which, by the way, isn’t even a full sentence. You couldn’t even be bothered to write me a full sentence. How on earth am I supposed to find someone suitable for coffee let alone a date when they can’t even write words?!
What is the world coming to?
Back to my wine…