In a word, Monogamy

Since I have last posted, I have been hitting the dating scene hard. I was seeing someone specifically on and off (because of holidays, my parents visiting, and a reason I came to learn much later) until just a few days ago. Upon our last meeting, not only did it become clear that Monogamy is not what he wanted, but just that he wanted it all.

You may be wondering what is so wrong with dating more than one person at the same time… you may even be thinking, “I’ve done that.” And I would agree with you. But only in the sense that in both scenarios of the people I was dating, it was the very beginning and nothing was serious. Dinners here, drinks there, getting to know you, etc. That is not what this guy was talking about.

This guy, we will call Sean, told me probably what I wanted to hear. That he was sick of playing the dating game. That he was ready to get serious (which usually has me running the other way because I am also not looking to get married tomorrow, and I know, complicated female) about getting his life together and that he wanted to see where things would go with us. Being that most of this conversation took place after beer three, I let it simmer and see where it would go once out again. And yes, like the good girl I am, I did not go home with him.

With phone calls here and text messages there, we communicated and met several other times to discuss life, topics that were important to us and how to navigate around what I like to call dating hell, aka “The holidays.” We made it work best we could, but I had a sense something was stirring before I last met him.

On what I can only assume would be our fifth(now that I am typing it, it sounds worse) date, we meet after my night class and he drops the bomb on me. But not in the way you would expect. He casually mentions that he is seeing two other people seriously as well. He does not wait for a reaction and keeps telling me about a girl he has been sleeping with for five years who has a boyfriend who he “assumes must know, but it doesn’t bother him.” He states that he is polygamous… He goes on, and in my tired state from a 5 am shift and a boring night class, I am unable to control my confused face. Let me be first to say that everyone is obviously welcome to their own lifestyle, but if you choose that, please say something in advance.

I passed kindergarten, I was a girl scout, but Jesus, I am not good at sharing when it comes to boy relationships. Clothes, tacos, tequila? Of course. But don’t “borrow a boyfriend for your own sleepover” or disclose to me that your definition of seeing several people is way past the stage that most people do. In a world where the concept of dating is getting more and more gray with uncertainty, this just gives me more cause for concern.

So I’m sitting across from him, as he goes into some saga where my mind has suddenly decided that it no longer comprehends his words, I stare at my pizza and think, “What, the, fuck? Is this how dating has become now?” In all honesty, it made me so frustrated because I have also never been the girl to play the game. If i like you, I tell you (don’t worry, I don’t ever act crazy about it), if i make a date with you, i show up and if i’m seeing someone, that’s just it. It’s some ONE. Not only is it hard to balance my own life schedule, but I can’t imagine trying to date two people at once, work, go to grad school, run a meet up group, blog, and still make sure I eat during the day.

It was in this moment that I realized two things: A- Blaze pizza is pretty good, and B – I am over this guy. It’s not that I am saying that I am too good for him, or anything like that, it’s more so that I am saying I deserve better. I deserve to not wait to hear from someone who is going through his rolodex of ladies to hit up that night, and I deserve at least a little more attention. I somehow made it through that dinner with some grace and a smile, thanked him, left, and used the entire train ride how to process how I felt.

He has since contacted me several times, and I have chosen to unfortunately do what I feel men do best: Ghost. Why? That’s cruel, you may say. I have decided that I am better off enjoying other dates, conversations, etc, then waiting on someone who will talk to me when they have time. I deserve time, and so do you. And although I don’t want to get married tomorrow, next week or in the next five years, and I don’t need a man to be complete, I do enjoy being with someone who gets me and is fun to be around, and is AROUND to be with. So I will venture on. ❤

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